Bad Days

Jan. 20th, 2012 07:56 pm
lauraflute: (wombat)
[personal profile] lauraflute
I want to talk about Bad Days.

Bad Days are usually comprised of two factors. Maybe one feeds the other. I don't know. I spend the day wracked with pain. My joints and muscles are stiff. It's hard to move. It's not a matter of getting up, moving, and working the stiffness out. Thursday I was walking down a short flight of stairs with Sue and could barely handle it.

The second part of a bad day is dwelling on Sue and all the challenges she's having. And I wonder why my child? What did I do? Why can't I fix it? Will Sue be okay? Will she be able to live on her own? Am I overreacting? Being practical?

I've been having a lot of Bad Days lately. I feel hopeless against the future. The divorce is coming up. We're doing it without lawyers since we have a civil enough relationship and there's nothing to fight over, but it's still a divorce and there's a lot of emotion connected to it.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger -- or puts you on a talk show." ~Carrie Fisher

Date: 2012-01-21 02:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Tracy would be a good one to talk to about your physical symptoms, and the therapist you like the best might be able to shed some light on the potential causes of Sue's disorder, which might or might not set you at ease about that.

In any case, I hope you have some brighter days ahead. Perhaps just focusing on how far you've both come in the last few years would be a place to start.

Date: 2012-01-22 05:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm trying to keep my eye on the big picture. Last April her district therapist thought she would be spending this year teaching Sue how to sign and possibly use an alternative communication device. Boy was she pleasantly surprised when Sue came back in the fall! Her hospital therapist (who we start back with next week -- yay!) told me when we did the tests that ultimately got her kicked out of speech temporarily they do NOT usually see improvements like that. All her therapists, both of the speech and her occupational, are awesome at answering my questions but I constantly have that teacher stopwatch going in my head that I'm taking up too much of their time. I don't know that any of them would attempt to answer the Big One because that's too much big picture for them to address within the scope of their treatment. And I understand that. Sue seems to be in this weird netherworld of issues. She's been diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder by the OT, but while it isn't their area to diagnose they don't feel like she exhibits enough traits to be officially diagnosed autistic. Especially since she is blowing OT out of the water. My little girl that I never trusted with a pair of scissors cut a circle for the first time two weeks ago and did it right the first time. The next couple of times were wonkier but her OT was absolutely amazed at how well she did. She's getting better at coloring, although she did earn herself a privacy screen at district speech because she wouldn't stop poking her nose into what the boys were doing and do her own work. And then some snot nosed little brat has to pick on her and I want to shut her away from all the mean kids because I remember what it was like to be the kid no one wanted to play with. I realize that isolating her does her no favors and I won't actually lock her away. Nor will I smack the kids that pick on her no matter how much I might want to deep down. I can't survive prison. I'll be traded for cigarettes.

With my physical pain, I really don't know what to do. My tax money is pending (faster, IRS, faster!) and I thought about coughing up the money to go to the doctor. But that's already marked for a million other things, one of which is all the filing fees and court costs for the divorce. Hopefully it shouldn't be more than $300-400. And a car tune up. And new work clothes. And whatever list of things Sue will need the next time I blink. And paying off the line of credit I used to pay for my brake job last fall. And something I probably don't know about yet.

Date: 2012-01-23 04:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
If you have fibromyalgia, the stress you are dealing with, would aggravate it. An official fibromyalgia diagnosis will require ruling out several other syndromes, particularly lupus and rheumatoid arthritis. That will involve a blood test (mine for lupus was "inconclusive"); I don't know how much that costs but I don't think it's too expensive, I had a fee-for-service insurance policy when I had it done. They do have meds for it now; the meds are closely related to Prozac. I still don't take the meds, I'm too worried about their affecting my brain chemistry, but they are an option; they weren't when I was diagnosed.

I know several kids with sensory processing disorder; it's a matter of making sure their teachers are aware and that they (the kids) have some coping tools. It's better than when we were kids, when nobody knew what the disorder was.


Date: 2012-01-24 05:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I've tried to figure out how to go about getting a diagnosis, whatever this may be. My main concern is hearing if I lose weight this will all go away, or being accused of pill seeking. Pill dealing is such a problem in this area I'm afraid they'll see a young(er) person complaining of unexplained pain that works in a restaurant and immediately dismiss me. Even with a tax refund I don't have the money to doctor hop until someone takes me seriously. If I go I have to get it right the first time.


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